Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
