just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You're like the curious george of whores
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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