grandma shit on top of the toilet
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
