You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
