Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
