after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
