I hope mine doesn't look like that
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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