Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
