my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
