That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
