I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
