Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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