No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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