I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I think my vagina is haunted
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
