so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
