her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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