shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
