i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
