i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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