i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
