im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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