I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Someone came in the potted fern
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize