I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
