I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
