Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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