dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
