take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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