the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
