I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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