I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
