My room smells like vodka and shame
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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