its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
