I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
