I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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