I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
