false alarm. still invincible.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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