drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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