You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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