just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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