But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
