I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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