There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I am one with the molecules
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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