Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
