This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
