If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
