He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize