Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
