Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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