the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
