Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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