I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
