I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
