i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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