just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
