READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He shit in the fireplace
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
