we're chasing vodka with high fives
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
