Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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