STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
