Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
