Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
