i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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