i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
