Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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