theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
