We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
