He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
