Ambien. No doubt about it.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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