she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
