nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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