uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
