oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
