she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize