it hurts more in the daytime
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
