My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
