i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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